I am often going about my day and a beautiful thought passes my mind- it is inspirational, profound, or just plain excellent at making it's point. I don't generally have a list running through my mind as the day proceeds, I have philosophy and I ponder over everything and my mind holds and considers certain relevant topics to that day. This might be the reason that I forget everything and need to write everything down. I love this- pondering life as it plays out, it adds some depth to my communications and to my actions. It does get distracting sometimes- sometimes the thoughts are caught up on injustice or I am distracted by the mess of the house which whispers failure to me or I wonder if I waste my time with my disorganized manner- if I am cleaning my house while ignoring more important matters or missing out on a greater purpose I might have had that day. So, I have decided that my thoughts need a place to be collected- especially those that are inspirational, profound, or excellently put. Here is a quote and the rather unrelated thoughts today (perhaps my thoughts will circle around back to this quote tomorrow):
Neal A Maxwell said, "The cavity which suffering carves into our souls will one day also be the receptacle of joy" I love that concept- to think that our suffering deepens our understanding of joy- not only that, but it creates a place for joy to fill in.
I am going to the temple today. I am so excited. As I read this morning, I remembered a testimony Lorenzo Snow shared with his granddaughter in the Salt Lake Temple. He spoke of the place where he saw his Savior, and how Christ appeared. (connecting thoughts with Matt5:8; D&C 50:24) I thought of my life and what a consecrated life looks like. I thought about how the temple is closed and cleaned once a year in such depth... how it already started as the cleanest building in which I have ever set foot- and it needs to be kept in the most pristine conditions. I believe the home is to be a temple. I had a friend over yesterday- she's a relatively new friend, so I wanted my home to be clean- as I did not know what level of cleanliness works for her comfort. As my day filled with other things, my time to clean was shortened. I frantically cleaned my home, noticing things I don't usually notice- like the fact my living room windows don't have curtains, or the fingerprints on the TV or the crumbs on the desk or the fact my walls needed to be cleaned... I was awakened to things which had been there all along, but all of the sudden they bothered me a lot. I giggled nervously as I thought about how mothers have body dysmorphic syndrome about their homes... stressing about little things that no one would notice or judge them on unless they were shallow and their opinions not worth worrying about. I thought about how when I was a teen I worried people would'nt be my friends because of how I dressed, now I worry about people not being my friends because of my home- more particularly, fingerprints on the TV & a cheerio in the corner. How carried away my thoughts were on this thing! Today I realized that I am like my home- I pretty much like myself, but there are certain times when I awaken and I see how I fall short. I see the personal motive for my actions throughout the day and the lack of turning to Christ in my thoughts and purposes. I see the missing scripture time and prayer with the family or individually and I wonder where my allegiances are and why I lust after such a slothful life, such a laid back existence... This is not what I want! I want to mean something- to use what I have...
Oh! and the most beautiful thing came to my mind... that day I had been caught up in wanting- wanting money, things, the advertised easy life on TV... I am never happy when I'm wanting. "Man cannot serve God and mammon." In serving God, you reject the value all of these temporal things as they are for just you and instead in them you see the potential to serve others, but you also see the value and potential for preventing suffering and providing mercy with what you already have. It is losing yourself in God- treasuring up his kingdom. Recognizing that the most valuable possession you have is your testimony of Christ and that is the most powerful producer of happiness in the world. All things that distract from living in this testimony- making it a part of you- all those things produce sorrow. The goal is desiring to be a source of mercy rather than a harbinger of things-- to put yourself in a position to give mercy rather than in the position of receiving mercy...
So, today I clean my home, I listen to talks and strive to be a person who awakes with the motivation to live for Christ's purposes and with the fire of his spirit in my belly. I hope that someday I might be purified in Christ, that I might see him as Lorenzo Snow did. In that special place. For now I continue, trying to be a source of mercy- that the atonement might work in my heart to produce a christ-like being of me.
